The Thing About Grandma...

I have been going through a lot of stuff since HeMan Hubby passed away 9 months ago...

Emotional Stuff...
Financial Stuff...
Household Stuff...
Personal Stuff...

The stuff that has accumulated and represents The BusyFamily...
And the life we lived together for the over 24 years.

I was going through HeMan Hubby's bedside table and found the box of chocolates I gave him last Valentine's Day...
and a stack of cards we have exchanged over the years...
The tiny hospital ID band from when SIX was born 20 plus years ago...
A construction paper card with BratChild's hand print on it from pre-school...

There were so many little tid-bits from our life together ...
So many memories he had shoved into that drawer...

And each one brought that moment in time to the here and now...
I got caught up in those memories and the feelings and emotions...

In every cupboard and drawer, behind every closet door and on every wall in our house are little pieces of our lives...

And then I found my grandfather's pipe.... and his bill fold with pictures of people that I have never seen and no one in the family seems to have a clue who they are...

And that made me think of GrandMa.
GrandMa had the biggest, loudest, flashiest personality of anyone I have ever known.

She spoke her mind... right or wrong... and stood her ground.

And she never, ever learned how to say my name...

She was a big woman... a sturdy type of woman that smelled of tea roses and talc...
who permed her white hair into the old lady version of an afro...
who wore bakelite jewelry in orange and lime and bright yellow...
and wore coral lipstick and bold floral print tunics with her pull on jean shorts and keds...
who hugged you so fiercely that you were sure of 2 things...
1- you would pass out from the inability to inhale... and
2- she loved you just as fiercely as she hugged

She also had this little habit that all the grand kids...
and great grands...
still remember and joke about...
in the " that was so crazy and endearing" kind of way...

The Thing About GrandMa was...

She kept everything in her bra...
She had one of those cigarette cases with the clasp on top and a pocket on the side for the zippo lighter...it was in there...
Need a kleenex... it's in there...
Heading out to Goshen Dairy for a shake?
She's got a $20 in there for you...
She's making a run through the bank drive-thru to refill her bra money stash...
her drivers license and her bank card... they're in there...

In recent years I have taken to putting my bank card or the cash for the tunnel toll in my bra when I head out of the house...
The kids noticed and make comments and shake their heads and laugh and call me 'grandma'...
in a roll your eyes and giggle kind of way...

And in a way... as I sit among the memories of my life with HeMan Hubby and The BusyFamily...
and take side trips down through the memories of my childhood and visits to see GrandMa and GrandPa ...
Memories of warm summer days rocking on the porch while GrandPa listens to the local yard
sales on the transistor radio drinking coffee...
Of the smell of yeast rolls rising on the counter in the out kitchen mingled with the scent of warm, moist earth coming up from the root cellar...

And running to Harts with GrandMa in her red Ford Fiesta ...
where she takes a wad of slightly damp bills from her bra and and makes a payment on her Doll Lamp...

The one that now glows warmly in the corner of my living room ...
Reminding me of the warmth of her love and the slightly eccentric and completely unique lady
that was GrandMa.

Reinventing Myself... Or Not!

Since my journey to find my purpose , and this blog, began I have been trying to figure out where my place in the world is.

In some ways, I have been trying to REINVENT MYSELF to be the person I thought I should be.

www.colormethin,us

But what I have come to realize it this...

I do not need to reinvent myself...

I do not need to be what others think I am...

I only need to be MYSELF.

I only need to be WHO I AM.

This weekend I attended a Happiness Convention in Dallas, Texas.

I met people who are true to themselves...

Warts and all...

And are HAPPY to be THEMSELVES!

They are SUCCESSFUL.
They are FULFILLED.
They are HAPPY.

They are living lives that I have only dreamt of.

And they do it to please themselves and those they love.
They do it to honestly help others and serve GOD.

I have found people who are like me.

People that have demons.
Have a past.
Have trials and tribulations.

People how not only survived, but THRIVED!

I HAVE FOUND MY PEOPLE!

So I do not need to reinvent myself.

I have only to love myself...
and others...

And I WILL THRIVE TOO!

New Year... Same Old Me?

It is January.

January is not only the beginning of a new year...
It is also my birthday month, so it is Actually my new year...
The beginning of not just a calendar year...
But the beginning of another Year of me being on this Earth.

Last year...
Year 52 as I call it...
Was the worst year of my life.

I posted a bit about it over the summer ...
But I was struggling so much with all of the things that have been going on since the most awful day in May...
I just couldn't write about it...
I couldn't even think about it without feeling despair and emotionally drained...

But THIS year...

Year 53...

I am owning THIS year!

Kitzbuhel, Austria - the first of my dreams coming true!

This year is THE year that I Will dream again...
This year I will be that person that HeMan Hubby knew me to be, encouraged me to be...
And made me promise to keep being ...

HeMan Hubby pushed me, believed in me, supported me, dreamed great dreams for me ...

And I WILL be that person...
Not for him...
But because of him and the love he gave me so that I can see the Me that he saw...

And I am finding that I like that woman that he knew me to be...
And that I can be the successful person living out my dreams...

And Year 53 ...
Yes, is it a new year...
But it is NOT the same old me.