Take a little Trip...

Take a little trip with me...

I decided to take a trip to the beach.

It was a trip HeMan Hubby and I had planned to take...

It was the trip that was supposed to have us house hunting...

making plans to move there...
to our happy place.

The beginning of the start of our future life together.

So...
I went...
without him...

because I promised him I would not stop dreaming...

That I would carry on with our plans ...

That I would live that future we had laid out in front of us

I thought it would be hard.

I was wrong...
It was more than hard...
It was some word that has not even been invented yet because...
it's so much more than anyone can imagine.

And yet...
It was good.
And I reached a place in my heart...
A place that knows he is gone...
but also knows that he is here

Our plans are now my plans...
Our future is now my future...
Our life is now my life...

And I am okay with that.

Not " Hey the world is wonderful and I'm on top of it" kind of okay...

But Okay enough to take a little trip...
enough to start dreaming...
and planning...
and living...

Maybe even at the beach!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl...

You may have called this one...

Happy Birthday !

Yep, it's my baby girl's birthday...

Ahhh, but which baby girl?

I do have 3 to choose from...

But Today is my first born's birthday...

Today GoodMom is 30-something that is much closer to 40 than not...
(but don't mention that to her... 
she's trying to NOT be almost 40)

I remember the day she was born...
It was very early in the morning...
And she was very big...

And she was scrunched looking...
And she had a bit of a cone head...
And she had bruises on her face and little arms...

And she was beautiful...

She still is beautiful...
And intelligent...
And everything I ever hoped she would grow up to be!

Happy Birthday and I love you GoodMom

Time... Won't Give Me Time

This could be the best place yet

    But you must overcome your fears

In time we could have been so much more

    But Time is Precious I know

Clock of the Heart- Boy George 1982

If you were a teen in the 80s you might just recognize these words...

I loved this song in high school...

I loved Boy George...

He was different and wasn't afraid to be that way...

He made a career out of being who he was ...

Or she? I'm still not really sure where the persona and the person diverge...

But this 50-something year old woman listens to these words

And understands the bigger message...

the life lesson contained within the catchy tune and flamboyance ...

Knows that time is nothing ...

That it slips through our fingers and leaves us with nothing...

Just empty hands and lost dreams

Just as I have this gained in sight ...

the kind that only Time could give me...

I have learned that Fear ...

Yes, Fear...

Can do so much more to destroy us than Time can

Fear can make us stop dreaming...

Stop caring...

Stop living...

And no amount of Time can take back what Fear has taken from us

Fear... 

Is a Liar...

A Cheater...

A Thief...

Fear is a Liar- Zach Williams 2018

The last year and 3 months has taught me so much about Time...

About Fear...

About Loss...

About Hurt...

About Love...

About Faith...

About Hope...

About Grace...

It is well with my soul...

Words from a song that has brought me comfort in these months...

a peace and strength that I didn't even know I had

And this grown-up woman...

This mother of 6 children...

This Widow of 3 months...

Knows and believes that TIME is not the enemy...

That TIME is what God is giving me...

Time to grieve...

Time to cry...

Time to heal...

Time to DREAM...

And I get this Time because I have Faith and Hope and Grace...

Reckless Love of God- Cory Asbury 2017

Because I believe in...

The Overwhelming, never-ending reckless Love of God...

And more importantly...

HE believes in ME