Embarrassment? ... High School? ... same thing

This post was prompted by this week's writing assignment from Mama Kat's writer's workshop prompt #3 to write about an embarrassing moment as if it were happening in slow motion.

This is my first time doing this so... hope you don't mind if it sucks totally.

There.
Across the room.
Her head comes up, her curls bobbing gently as she turns toward me, tucking an errant strand behind her ear in irritation.

Slowly, she smiles. First one corner of her mouth lifts, then the other. Then her nose crinkles, her eyes sparkle with genuine... warmth and pleasure?

Her chair scrapes across the floor as she deliberately pushes away from the table, and her friends. She stands, and it's as if she has unfolded herself, turning away from the meal before her.
A hand tugs at the waist of her sweater, goes to her neck, then lifts to shoulder height before waving in my direction.

I am surprised she sees me, is waving to me, beckoning me to sit with her.
I feel the tug of what may be a smile pull at my lips, a feathering of breathlessness in my chest. I think to myself, "I am included."

A slight nudge to my back as I begin to raise my hand in response, a murmur of sound in my ear as I list slightly to the left, reaching out to steady myself against the table there.
"You saved me a seat! Thanks!" A voice, moving from my side, toward her table as I right my stance, regain my balance and turn.

She is smiling fully now, all teeth and dimples, as she embraces the voice with warmth and friendship, pulls out a chair for her and they sit, together.

Her head turns my way, as if she senses me there. "Did you want something?" she asks.
I look past her, find a point across the room, pretend there is someone there who is seeking my attention.

As I walk past her table I ignore the frown and slight confusion I see on her face. I ignore someone else at the table saying, "Did she think you were waving to HER?"

I try not to turn red, to die of embarrassment, right there in front of everyone.
And I try not to hear her say, "Why? She's not too bad, just different, that's all."
One step in front of the other, then another and another, until I am free of that table, those girls, her.

She was a friend, once, but no longer. I sit and wait, watching the seconds tick by in agony, until the lunch period is over and I can escape into the crowd of drones shuffling toward their next classes.

A deep breath, my throat hurts from the swallowed tears. I grip my books with whitened knuckles and join the parade, zombie-like, moving forward, never once looking back.

Health, Wealth and the Pursuit of...

In a moment of nostalgia (also called brain freeze or early onset alzheimer's) I read through my blog posts- from the beginning to now.

And I have to admit that I have absolutely NO MEMORY of writing half of them. If not that they are about my family, and in my writing style, I would swear I had never seen or read them before today.

It was because of the SITS site Sharefest Saturday... you go thru and find your favorite post and share the link on The Secret is in the Sauce.
I actually found several that I like now that I have gone back... Feng-Shui Me is a pretty good one... that I almost remember writing!


What does that tell me... well, for one thing it tells me that I need to read my previous posts more often so they at least seem familiar.

For another, it tells me that I have not had a very good track record with taking time for myself to blog and look at my life and actually ENJOY my life.

Why do I say this?

Because I started Blogging in 2007! I mean, that was 3 years ago! I had NO IDEA I had been attempting to do this soul-searching, journalling crap for this long.

Maybe that's because I did not make myself a priority before this year. Maybe it is the very fact that I have been blogging for this long without realizing so much time was slipping by between posts that I have been able to find my voice now.

If I had not had the experiences in Life an Love that came before now, then I could not be who and what I am now... makes sense that my writing voice would not be the one I now have without my earlier attempts.

So- if you have gotten this far in this post, and you don't have anything else to do for the next, oh say, 5 minutes, take a look at some of my beginning posts. You may be entertained, or just plain scared ... either way, it is a response and that is what a writer wants... the reader to feel something.

I see some growth as a person in my posts, and I see where I have become more like myself in my writing... and in my life. Expressing my feelings, thoughts and random craziness by blogging has made me more comfortable with being myself...with coming out of my shell in the real world as well.

So WATCH OUT WORLD... one of these days I am gonna let myself go and WOW... that is gonna be one really Wild day!

Well, as long as someone makes sure I don't get arrested or anything ... then it could be a really BAD one...