The Importance of being...Present?

I am going to be a Grandma.
Well, technically I am already a grandma...
so actually I should say I am going to be a grandma... again.


GoodMom, my oldest child, is expecting a bouncing baby boy in August.


We are so happy.
We are so excited.
We are so not looking forward to it.


Not that we aren't anxiously awaiting the new baby's arrival.
We are.
But I am not.

My mother in law planned a special surprise trip for HeMan Hubby's birthday.
In July.
Except that the trip will over lap into August...


There is a very real possibility that we will be away when the new baby comes.

Ok, not the end of the world... except...

I was away when FancyPants was born.
Yes, it again was a family trip with HeMan Hubby's family.
And it was planned so that we were away 2 weeks before FancyPants was due...


However no one told FancyPants she had to wait for her due date and she was born while I was on the Alabama coast... 18 hours away.


I am hoping that the new baby, despite being a boy as we all know they do not tend to listen well, will pay attention to his Grammy and wait until his due date to arrive.


When I will be in the same state.

When I will be able to hop in the car and dash to GoodMom's side.


When I will be able to see my lovely daughter hold her new baby for the first time.




But then, he is a boy ...
so I won't be getting my hopes up...


Much.

The story of Me... Me the Nurse, and Me the Mom

The other day I started a series of posts, about why I started posting in the first place.

I decided today I would explain a little bit about why I am a nurse, or perhaps, how I got to be one would be more accurate.

When I was 14 I had a baby girl. The baby girl grew up to be my daughter- GoodMom.

She was born in the early hours on the morning after she was due, after just 5 hours of labor.

She weighed in at 9 pounds 3 ounces.

Because I was so young, and she was so big, special attention was paid to us in those first pre-dawn hours.

Then I was moved into a private room. She stayed with me, her bassinette at my bedside.

I fed her, changed her, held her and snuggled with her until I was too tired to hold her anymore, and she was sound asleep, wrapped up like a cocoon.

After putting her into the bassinette, I discovered the head of the bead would not go down. There was a hand crank at the foot of the bed, so I climbed out of the covers and tried to crank it down. It only creaked and groaned at me. I had developed a fever- thus the private room- and was not to be out of bed or up on my feet for very long because... well, no one actually ever told me why.

So, here I was in the middle of the night, tired, cold and wearing nothing but a hospital gown with my backside hanging out ...
when I heard footsteps in the hall, and as they got closer I could hear whispered voices. They stopped just outside my door. I was embarassed because I broke the bed, and feeling really weak and tired. I was about to call out for some help when I heard what the nurses were saying.

They were saying awful things about me. About me having a baby so young. About the kind of person I must be. About how I would never be able to take care of a child properly. About how I should be ashamed of myself and the mess I had made for my family.

Quietly, I crept back into the bed. Or should I say climbed as by now the bed was at it's highest setting and the head of the bed was at a 90 degree angle. I had broken the bed, and I did not want to cause the nurses any problems so...

The night nurse came in a little while later and asked what I had done to the bed. I told her I liked it that way, it was more comfortable. She shook her head and said something about me breaking the bed, being trouble...

I slept in that bed, with the mattress set at nearly 3 feet off the ground, sitting completely upright, with one hand through the railing, laid gently against my little girl's cheek so I could make sure she was breathing. So I could take care of her the way a mom should.

A year later I had the opportunity to be accepted into the Nursing school program at the local Vo-Tech. I would take the community college nursing course for half a day though my sophomore, junior and senior years of high school- if I got in.
Part of the process was an interview with the instructors. One of them asked me why I wanted to be a nurse. They knew I had a child, and like so many other teachers and instructors, they did not see past that to the person I was inside.

So, I told them the story of the night my daughter was born and how I broke the bed.
And how that nurse with her mean attitude, and judgements of me, had made me feel sad, alone and worthless. And that if I could prevent one person from feeling the way that nurse had made me feel, then I would have done something worth doing. I wanted to be a nurse because I wanted to help others get better and feel better.

I got into the program. I took high school classes half days and nursing classes half days for 3 years. I took advanced classes in high school and kept my grades up. I took college level classes like microbiology, anatomy and physiology, psychology and pharmacology and kept my grades up.

I worked several part time jobs to help my boyfriend support our daughter. I did homework late at night while she slept. I played soccer. I was in the band. I was inducted into the National Honor Society.
I worked hard to prove everyone wrong about what kind of person I was. What kind of mother I would be. What kind of person I would become.

And that is why, 26 years ago- June 8, 1984- I graduated from Nursing school, one day before I graduated from high school with honors as a National Honor Society member, and as a student in the top 5% of my class- I was ranked 14 in a class of 431. My grade point average included my college level nursing classes and my high school classes... it was 3.84.

I think I did a good job. I think I proved to everyone I could do it. But mostly, I proved to myself that I only needed to do what I needed to do for me, and my children. In the end, the only one that I had to make proud of me, was me.

And that is why I am a nurse who works nights and takes care of sick kids.

Bet you thought I was going to add a little something to make you laugh here, right?
Well, just picture me on my hands and knees trying to fix the crank on that hospital bed- I did say I was wearing a hosptial gown, right?
The kind with nothing to keep them closed in the back?
Yep- hiney in the air and head under the bed... thank god the nurse didn't walk in then!

Another day in the life of the BusyBusy Family...did the Fat Lady sing yet???

MASONIC CHIP PROGRAM


It's been a busy weekend for the BusyBusy Family, and it's not over yet!

Yesterday was the funeral for GoodMom's father in law.

He died on Memorial Day, after mowing the lawn.
It was unexpected... and sudden.
Awful, but good, too, in a way.
In that is was quick and not painful I mean...

We had prior commitments and as I so often find myself, I was jockeying kids from one place to another becasue, when you say you will do something, YOU DO IT!

We managed to get them all done, and the kids, although whiney about it at first, actually had a good time.

After the funeral I had to take BratChild and SIX to meet up with TeenBoy at a local festival where he was helping the Masons with their CHIP program.

What IS CHIP you ask?

Very good question, and something every parent needs to know about.

CHIP stands for Child Id Program, and is a nationwide program that takes information from parents/guardians of children of all ages AND puts it into a file that can be read by any law enforcement agency in the country.

Personal data, fingerprints, photos and a video ( for voice recognition and mannerisms) are done right there on a single computer, in minutes, with the end result a packet containing a CD with all the data on it, printed ID form with photo ID sections that can be laminated to carry in a wallet, and a DNA swab.
Once home you swab your child's inner cheek, then return it to it's wrapper and place in the packet envelope.
The packet can then be stored in a cool, dry place- readily accessible for vacations or if, God Forbid, and I so seriously mean that, it is needed in a hurry.

The coolest part about this is that in an emergency you just hand the CD to a law enforcement officer and they can slide it into the computer in their official vehicle and press a button and VOILA' ...

Amber Alert is out NATIONWIDE in seconds... WOWSERS!

Is that not cool, or what?

The other MOST AWESOME part is that this service is FREE.

The program software and hardware is provided by the State Police and is compatible with the 2 programs used nationwide.

Masonic Lodges all over the country have purchased these units and provide this service to anyone FREE OF CHARGE...

The Masons are a community service organization, after all, and the welfare of children is their priority.

Mason's sponsor children's hospitals, cancer centers and research, MS research, eye and hearing clinics...

and so much more...

Do you have a school or community event coming up that NEEDS this service there???

Just contact your local Masonic Lodge and ask about the CHIP program.
They'll be happy to help and you won't meet a nicer group of men who really care about their community....

Because community means family and the Mason's are all about Family...

The only problem I found is...
That in all the hectic-ness of the day I FORGOT to get my own kids done!

Next time I will...

Really, I WILL!

What's In A Name?.... Apparently Everything!

My family has finally read some of my posts.

I have no idea if they like what I write or not, but I do know they DO NOT like the names I have given them.

So from this day forward GirlChild will be SmartGirl... she is a college graduate after all, and TeenGirl will be known as BratChild, which IS what I call her here at home most days anyway.

So, my family now consists of HeMan Hubby, GoodMom and her daughter FancyPants, SmartGirl, ManBoy, TeenBoy, BratChild and TweenBoy, who I should probably find a better name for since he will soon be a teen too... I am sure one will find it's way to him naturally in the near future anyway.

Names, those titles and descriptive adjectives that are given to us as children, will follow throughout our lives. Somehow this just doesn't seem fair.
How do our parents, or those giving the names, know what we will be like when we grow up.

Maybe a girl named Blanche will grow up to have dark hair and eyes and be a really grumpy person... Blanche- meaning white or fair of hair and face- would just not fit at all.

A lawyer named Honey? A doctor named Windy? Or grown people with names like Moon and Six and Apple? Who would take these people seriously, other than the Hollywood crowd?

HeMan Hubby wanted me to seriously consider naming TweenBoy, Six.
Why? you may ask. Because he is the 6th child. I vetoed this from the start only to find that NOW TweenBoy thinks that would be a cool name!
But then, he is only 11, so what does he know of the world of grownups with strange names?

My name is one I have strongly disliked my whole life. But, when compared to the other choice my parent's had on the table, I'll keep the one I got, Thank You Very Much!

My children's given names were something I put a lot of thought into. They had to have good or positive meanings, they had to be names that sounded professional, on the off chance one of my kids became a doctor or lawyer or college professor, and they had to fit with the heritage of our families.

Owing to all that my children have somewhat unusual names, but not made up or farfetched. They have names that are found throughout history and in the bible. They have names that represent the various countries of origin found on our Family Tree- or in some cases Family Wreath, but that's the West Virginia side, mostly.

As children, some of them did not like their names, but as they have gotten older, they do.

Of this I am glad, as it took a very long time to come up with them in the first place, and because in every one of my children the positive qualities of the meanings of their names is actually present in them.

Did the name influence the child, or was the child destined to be what he or she is all along?

I have no idea, but the tradition of finding the right name with just the right meaning continued in our family with the naming of FancyPants.
Her parents struggled with finding just the right combination of sounds, syllables and meanings to give their firstborn child.

In the end, the name is perfect, as is the little girl.

What's in a name?

Apparently, everything!

(Just ask my sister!)

It's not about a game, it's about life... and how to live it the right way... God, I hope I get it right!

One of the reasons I started blogging, this blog in particular, is that I wanted to try to find ME. Not ME the Mom, or ME the nurse, or wife or PTA president or volunteer or jewelry maker or crochet designer or mad bird-breeder lady...

But ME... who I am and what makes me tick.

That's tick, not get ticked-off.

I watched a lot of TV last week, being as I was laid out on the couch in agony from my back and all. There's not a lot of good TV going on during the day, I don't care how many channels you have!

But, I did manage to get 'The Blindside', or rather when GirlChild called from the Wal-Mart where I had sent her to pick up a few things so we wouldn't starve to death, and reminded me that it was now available, along with 'New Moon', and how she knew I wanted to get both of them and since she was there, and using my money anyway, shouldn't she just pick them up too?

Well of course she should! And she did. And I watched 'The Blindside'.

And I LOVE that woman! The Mom in that movie is the woman I want to be. No, she is the person I want to be. Forget gender or race or bank balance. I want to be that good, and kind and, just plain strong and self-assured.

I love Sandra Bullock and boy-howdy , did they pick a winner in her as the leading lady, Leigh Anne Tuohy.

Okay- I know what you are saying. It's a movie about football... Yeah.It is.
But no, it's really not. Just about football that is.

It's about faith and family and unconditional love... and keeping promises.
It's about being there because you said you would, because you gave your word and that's the most valuable thing a person can give.

I know I joke around A LOT about things my family does or things I do, or wish I'd done. But in this I am most sincere.

I want to be like Leigh Anne Tuohy.

And I want the Leigh Anne Tuohy's of the world to out-number the rest of the population.

I figure, if I dreaming, I might as well dream big....

And well, You can't much bigger than Michael Oher... or his Momma, Leigh Anne Tuohy.

Oh, and just because I live in the Baltimore area, please do not think I am a Ravens fan... I am a Michael Oher and a Redskin fan...

Like I said... I dream BIG...
Go Skins!

Oh- and here is the letter I would have sent Ms. Tuohy if I knew how to get one to her...

Dear Ms. Tuohy,

Thank You for being You.
Thank You for caring about others, and teaching your children to do the same.
And thank your husband for understanding you and who you are and need to be.

From the bottom of my heart and with everything I have, I thank you for the example you set in living the life you do.

I wish you and your family all the best in everything... And even though I am a Redskin fan I watch Michael ( and the Ravens) because I think he is one awesome and very lucky guy... and he is an awesome football player.

Sincerely,

Dawn @ Dawning

Lie To Me... Or Not, and I would SO prefer the not!

"What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive..."

Who the HECK wrote that? And WHEN were they talking to my kids?

I have the TeenBoy, TeenGirl and TweenBoy... they eat a lot. I mean unreasonably large amounts of food for the actual normal sizes they are.

In an attempt to manage the intake of junk food, and not-so-healthy foods, I started limiting the amounts of these that I purchase and bring into the house.
Makes sense, right?

Apparently not!

Nope, my kids ate, in one weekend cuz grocery day is Friday, 2 boxes of peanut butter bars, 1 box of swiss cake rolls, 2 packages of snickerdoodle dough (the raw break-apart kind) AND 10 pounds of apples and 3 pounds of bananas.

Yep- these kids ate all that, and the regular meals. Like breakfast, lunch, dinner, 2nd breakfast, 2nd dinner and bedtime snack.

I only grocery shop every other week. This, theoretically, keeps the food bill down, and limits the junk coming into the house.

Well, actually it has done exactly that.

The only problem is HeMan Hubby, GirlChild, ManBoy and I are the ones not getting the junk food and snacks!

Maybe this is the Teen and Tween way of watching out for our health?
Or maybe they just are gluttons who are compulsive eaters, and liars...

Because NotMe sure is eating a lot for someone that appears to be invisible...
for that matter IDon'tKnow is too...

But, they are well fed compulsive eater liars...

I'm so... proud?

There's always THAT GUY... and one can only hope he isn't theirs

People say and do the strangest things.

There is a BLIZZARD out and people are trying to drive.
Like there is anywhere to go?

It's only a few feet of snow.
What? ONLY a few feet? 4 feet and counting... in a place where 3 inches of snow is considered significant accumulation?

Cold as S*&T... Okay? That stuff is NOT cold.
I saw the steam rising after the dog FINALLY gained access to the spot cleared for him in the 4 feet of snow in the yard... of course that was BEFORE this latest 1 foot and counting addition.

I wish he had opposable thumbs so he could make his own bathroom spot.

Shoveling the snow (again I reiterate there is 4 plus feet of it) while wearing shorts?!!!

Yes, you work up a sweat, but really? Shorts? and a Visor?

That's NOT a hat!
A hat covers THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD to hold the body heat IN so you don't suffer Hypothermia...

THAT GUY is the one digging out, wearing shorts and a visor, so he can drive his 4wd vehicle through the 4 plus feet of snow and 50 mph winds, complaining all the while that 'It's Cold As S*&T Outside".

Well, DUH!

And most likely I know THAT GUY and most likely (except for the shorts) it's my brother...

I hope that side of the gene-pool was closed when they were handing them out to my kids, and his...

or that our children will listen to the voices of sanity-

you know the MOM's

and NOT follow in his footst, er, trench through the waist-high snow, when they grow up.

But, being Male, I some how think that they will.

I used to try really hard to be like Martha Stewart... then she went to jail

Simple Pleasures.... sounds like an adult toy store according to my husband.

To me it sounds like the little things that make life worth while.

Like being the only one up, early on a Saturday morning, to watch the sun rise in the cold, misty air.

Like having your son give you a hug goodnight, just because he felt like it.

Like the smell of freshly brewed coffee wafting into your bedroom just as you are waking.
(that one is an almost never for me, but sometimes, like when the sky is falling or an apocolypse is imminent, HeMan Hubby makes coffee for me)

Like the kids cleaning the bathroom when they are finished brushing their teeth (ok first they have to ACTUALLY brush their teeth but you get the gist)

Like the laundry finding it's way into the proper dressers and closets without intervention from me (again that almost never ever happens, but on the Once-In-a-Blue-Moon that it does... It's wonderful!)

Like having a family that loves one another and let's it show.... you know like when they play poker and only throw the pennies at each other because the quarters hurt too much. Or when they only swat each other on the back of the head when they REALLY mean it...

Those are some of my Simple Pleasures...

I'm not sure Martha Stewart would agree with me...

But as her Simple Pleasure is that she gets to wake everyday in her own home, instead of a jail cell...

I want my kids to be productive members of society... is that too much to ask? Apparently...

Kids.

I have some.

Actually I have 6.

Of the 6 that I gave birth to, have loved and nurtured, have given up part of my life for, 5 still live at home.

One is 25. She's between jobs after a year teaching overseas. She needs somewhere to use as a home base until she finds a new gig stateside. I get that. She needs a job so she can move on, until then, she's at home.
With me.
And the other 4.

Another of the Still. AT. HOME. crew is 20. He WAS in college, but found partying was not conducive to one's academic career. Me work 3 jobs, him party and miss exams... This was a problem...
He is now employed full time.
His plan is to work his way through school. Yay him!
MY PLAN is that he move out and make his own way in the world, VERY SOON! YAY ME!

THE OTHERS are in middle school.

Teens and Tweens are such wonderful creatures. Or they would be, if they belonged to someone else.
But they are mine and, well, I'm stuck with them.

The Boys, 14 and 11, share a large room. They do not share much else.

Or at least they hadn't until recently.
They started playing the same video games and music.

Then, they started keeping their room neater than usual.

I'm not sure if they're using this tactic to keep me out of their room so I-

1) won't nag about dirty socks hanging from ceiling fans, or

2) won't find the burn mark in the carpet, broken window pane, stack of moldy dishes in the laundry hamper... any, or all, of these is highly likely.

I stand in the open door, see the nearly made bed and the stack of school books and binders, on and next to the shared desk, and imagine they are actually trying to make me happy.

Rose-Colored Glasses anyone?

Last, but not least, is a 12 year old girl-child.

She THINKS she is grown up enough to do as she pleases.

Luckily, for her, it pleases her to keep her room clean, make her bed and do her own laundry...

This pleases me, so I let her be. Most of the time.

Unfortunately, it also pleases her to wear black eye liner and mascara that would give Elvira- Mistress of the Dark a run for her money.
(picture courtesy www.elvira.com)

It also pleases her to draw and write on, not only her arms and hands, but her jeans as well. Then she tears them !

These things do not please me. I give her some leeway to express her individuality.
But, permanent marker signatures and hieroglyphics on $40.00 jeans... seriously, why?

I have to choose my battles carefully... it's the only way we will both live until she is old enough to move out.

The eye make-up she swears she isn't wearing... okay she looks like a raccoon, but really?

She'll figure that out soon enough.

Trashing her clothes?
She wants to wear a comic strip and rags, who am I to repress creativity?

She'll realize that being creative and unique comes with a price...

As soon as she gets the bill... $40.00 a pair PLUS alterations...

This will be a battle worth having... Ahhhhh, the joys of parenthood strike again!

Mel Gibson in a kilt and Who is this Mulligan Anyway?

Do-over.

Is that a word?

I hear people say they wish they could be 16 again, or 18 or 30, but really, do they mean they want to go back and relive their lives, have a do-ver?

Or in the language of golf, a Mulligan? And who on earth decided to call it that anyway? I know golf was invented by the Scots but is Mulligan even a Scottish name? My vision of Mel Gibson in Braveheart, full on blue body paint with the wind blowing his kilt around his thighs as he is about to meet his enemy head on in battle, does not include a nine-iron and a little white ball being chased around a big green lawn.


I often wonder what exactly people wanting a do-over actually want to do-over. High school? College? Their first job? First real relationship?

80's hair, Flashdance sweats, pegged pants and lycra in everything was bad enough the first go-round.

High school was abysmal. I didn't fit in with any one group. I was in the band, the national honor society, played soccer, did indoor drill team and flag squad... and I had my first child. I had acquaintances, but no real friends, well except for Kelly and Ginger.
Aside from them all I did was go to high school, nursing school and work until graduation.

So the first marriage, and the second for that matter, didn't work out exactly as planned, but doing them again? Definitely not. My kids once asked if I have any regrets or wish I had done things differently, and honestly, I don't think I do.

I made the choices I made because they were what I had to do. Better insurance, better hours, more time with my kids, nicer neighborhood... these are things that have driven my decisions for the last 20-something years.
And if going back would mean changing my career or mean not having even one of my children, then I'd really rather not... unless... no, never mind...I'll keep the kids I got.

Maybe someone can figure out a way to send criminals back in time to re-live their teen years as punishment for their deeds? Having to be pimple-faced and insecure or abnormally large and clumsy or a geek again would probably fall under the cruel and unusual punishment category so it would most likely be unconstitutional.

A do-over, Mulligan or rewind... call it what you want. I'd rather take the hard-earned lessons my life has taught me and move forward. And hopefully find a way to spare my children the pain I had growing up... well not ALL the pain, but a lot of it certainly.

Because without those lessons and experiences I may not have ever made it to THIS place and time and let's face it, the known is better than the unknown any day...I shudder to think of the mess my life could have ended up in. Okay, the bigger mess...

Living in the Now is certainly hard, but living in the Then would be, well, totally so Not Awesome.
But if someone comes up with a way to get my THEN figure back without a gym, dieting or having to work for it... then Sign Me Up!

WOW, iPods and Growing UP?

Today is my youngest child's 11th birthday.

Now when did that happen? He was just a little guy with strawberry blonde hair, big blue eyes and the most adorable dimple in his chin... and now he is this tall, lanky, freckle-face young man, who still has the most awesome blue eyes and dimples to die for by the way.

I know the kids grow up. I mean we would all go insane if they didn't, but really, they are growing OLDER sooner than they used to.

My oldest child is now 29. I remember her playing with friends when she was 11... playing with dolls and playing "teacher".

Now 11 year olds play video games and hang out on the computer gaming and reading their email... well, not mine of course since I think kids that young should have more cerebral pursuits...

OKAY! You got me. I DO think they should have more mentally stimulating activities, but my kids do play World of Warcraft (or WOW as it is affectionately known in our home) and have PSPs, iPods, Playstation, X-Box and Nintendo gaming systems.
They also have a large selection of DVDs to watch should they tire of video games.
Oh, and yes they have books... thousands of books are in our home and YES! the kids have actually read them, not just used them to prop up broken desk legs or hold down science fair projects while they are drying.

The one thing that they DO NOT HAVE is a cell phone. No phone until they can pay for it themselves. And I mean go to the store and get their own account and pay the bills themselves.
My 3 older kids had to do it that way so the 3 younger ones are stuck with it.

So now that my baby is 11 and no longer thinks he is my baby, what do I do?

I throw a frickin' party that's what I do!
Only 7 more years and the last one will be of an age to fend for himself... not that he will since his 20 year old brother is still living at home and is not financially secure, but he will be old enough that he could be on his own.

The count-down has begun... I still miss the little boy that was, but I am looking forward to meeting the man he will become... and celebrating his achievements over the next few years on his way to being that man.

Oh, and the vacation I will be able to go on once he has left for college... well, if I can afford one...

Family...ties that bind?

I recently took a 2 week vacation. I spent the first week with my 3 youngest children travelling to visit my sister for a few days, then going to my sister-in-law's for a few days before leaving with my sister-in-law and her kids for a 'Family' vacation on the Gulf Coast. My husband and his father joined the kids and I at my sister-in-law's home Friday evening. We then all packed up the vehicles and set out on our journey to the Gulf Coast to meet up with yet more family.
It was to be a fun-filled, action-packed adventure for the entire family! Do I sound like a commercial yet???
And in fact is was quite fun and adventuristic for just about everyone.
I was a bit distracted on several levels but had a really nice time visiting my sister before her mission trip ( and helping construct VBS craft kits) and then getting to spend a few extra days with my sister-in-law before our family vacation.
She and I had time to sit by the pool with coffee ( or wine depending on the time of day) in hand and enjoy the quiet and serenity of just being. Oh, you're wondering how I had the serenity thing going on when I was traveling with a 10,12 and 13 year old? One word- GRANDMA!
Yep- my mother-in-law took the kids on little outings during the day. A trip to the mall, to a movie, to her house to hang out and bake some cookies. What ever. She also took one or two of them to stay the night with her which made for much more peaceful bedtimes.
The money for this little vacation ( or as I like to call it VACATING my real life) was budgeted closely and I really did not want to over spend. AND my oldest daughter was expecting her first child- of course not for several weeks, but she was having some issues before I left so, Mom was worried.
We were doing really good in the budget department-able to eat out and do some little extras like mani-pedis with the girls, golfing for the guys and even a Guys Day at the spa for massages.
(And yes my husband enjoyed his!)
The kids got to go to a movie without an adult tagging along then to the pizza parlor for a little snack. Of course these are both located on the main street of the resort we were at and within our sight. But they were being given some responsibility and did really well with it.
I was able to relax and have some fun- thanks to the miracle of the cell phone.
And it seems that I was right to be worried and more than little pre-occupied.
Of course my daughter called me at 2am to let me know she was in the hospital with high blood pressure and was going to be induced- 2 weeks early. And I was 2000 miles away on the first family vacation in 11 years!
We did the labor support via cell phone and text message off and on through out the day, and shortly before 7pm my daughter gave birth to a beautiful 7.8 pound baby girl. I got the pictures on my cell phone while the adults were at dinner and the kids were at the movies. I was both relieved and upset -- thrilled to have everything be ok for baby and mom, but I was disappointed that I wasn't there when my daughter needed me. That I had missed this very important event in her life. The single most life altering and wonderful thing that can happen to a woman.
But in a way I think that my not being there was a good thing. Oh, not for me at all, but for my daughter and her husband. By not having "Mom the Nurse" in the room they had to ask questions, pay attention and work together as a team thru the contractions, the scary doctor language and the pushing and pain and WORK that is Having A Baby. And they came through with flying colors and a little girl with blue eyes and the sweetest little bow-shaped mouth... who looks EXACTLY like her mother did when she was born.
Side note: My daughter has often asked WHY I had her ugly baby picture hanging on the wall. I told her repeatedly because she was so cute. She now looks at the pictures of her infant daughter and sees her beautiful little girl. Funny how she still thinks her picture is ugly but her little girl- who looks like her clone- is precious and beautiful. She is starting to understand what I have been trying to explain all her life. She is my baby and to me is perfect and beautiful- no matter what.
Back to VACATING- the baby was born and celebratory drinks were had by one and all on the Gulf Coast, her picture on my cell was passed around the table several times, and the new aunt and uncles ( and Great Aunts and Uncle) spent the evening oooo-ing and ahhhh-ing over her and making fun of me- GrandMa. Although I refuse to be called GrandMa... I am still trying to come up with something better...
We spent the last few days of vacation relaxing pool side and shopping, then drove home. I was anxious to see the new addition to the family, and to see that my daughter was indeed doing well and being taken care of. Which she was- on both counts. And my grandbaby is perfect... well aren't they all? But she is especially more so than other babies I am certain.

Now we are back at home and back into our Real Lives... and I dream of when I can next go VACATING... and of the family here in my home, and close by. Of my sister and her family 600 miles away, of my in-laws in the place they have only recently come to realize is Home, and of my husband's brother and his family 1200 miles away- all of us living our lives day to day, all of us taking time when we can to touch base with each other on the phone, in email, via text or on FACEBOOK... we take the time to connect... to keep the ties that bind secure and intact... to keep the family together, even when we are apart.

Thinking too Hard? Or not Enough?

I will admit that in recent years I have wondered if I have missed my calling, or more so, perhaps I am being called to something more but have not yet answered...
my most fervent wish in life is that I make a difference in someone's life, that the lessons I have learned- most heartbreakingly- will be able to be turned into something helpful and positive to others...
Ok- it is time for me to go back to reading my email and stop philosophizing... or thinking so hard.
My weekend was quiet and productive. Steam cleaned an entire room, scrubbed all the hardwood and kitchen floors, cleaned out the cabinets and washed all the dishes in the back of said cabinets that were covered in dust and pollen and other... cleaned the pool then sat by said pool and read, not one, but two books.
But best of all, I got to spend the early morning hours outside enjoying the cool breezes, pale sunlight filtering thru the hazy clouds and listening to the music in the voices of the tree frogs, hummingbirds, chickadees and pileated woodpecker ( that insists on tapping away on my shingles!) and acknowledging that my wants will come when it is time (but darn it the lottery or a contract on my house NOW would be wonderful).
I am always telling my children that things happen for a reason, we just do not always understand or know the reason at that time. I also tell them that things work out the way they are supposed to, when they are supposed to. This is a lesson I have been privy to over and over again all my life, and one that I am still trying patiently to learn.
In the words of the great music legend, Freddy Mercury, I Want It All and I Want It Now!

Just Say NO!

Just say No! ... to drugs, to alcohol, to cheating, to lying, to living above your means, to judging others, to wasting resources... these are the messages we hear constantly via family, friends, media.
But there are other things some of us should say NO! to. Things we are ashamed to talk about. Things that we are afraid will make us look bad in other's eyes.
I am one of those people who should say NO! a lot more often than I do. And not to bad things...
I am ashamed to say that I should say NO! to requests from the PTA, Sports Teams, DeMolay, Rainbow, family, friends... I should, but I don't.
I teach my children that to Give of One's Self is the reason we are put on this earth. To help others when we are able, to think about the other person, or the greater good, before ourselves is how God wants us to live our lives. That if you say you will do something then come hell or high water you do it. Your word is your bond. Your Integrity is the best measure of the person you truly are. If you cannot be trusted in small things then you will never be trusted in large ones.
These are the simple truths that I base my life, and how I live it, on.
Now I have come to a place in my life where saying NO! is required more often than I want to admit, not because I am lazy or getting old or even uncaring. No, it is worse than that, for me at least. I am tired. I am literally tired of doing, going, planning, making, building, organizing, calling, begging- for the schools, the sports organizations, the youth groups, family, friends, and work. I have cut and pasted. Made phone call after phone call. Planned event after event. Often used my own money with a small hope that I would be re-paid, and more often not.
I want to say No! really, I do! But then I get a call from my Mother-In-Law. Would I go to chemo with a family friend- just to make sure he is okay on his own? Of course I can. Oh crap- I was supposed to say NO! to that wasn't I? But what if that were my loved one- husband, child, mother, father, sister, brother... alone in a world of medical terms and unknown outcomes? Wouldn't I want someone there to be with them? Isn't that what I teach my children we should do? I lead through example. My children see me volunteering, helping, giving of myself- even when I have nothing left to give. But to do otherwise would make me one of those "Do as I say, not as I do" people. That I could not abide.
And if I had said No! to sitting with a family friend while he recieved his chemo treatment I would have missed out on a wonderful, lively and intelligent conversation. I truly enjoyed talking with him about common interests, life lessons and lives we lived in the past. I gained more from him than I could have possibly given.
And that is why I continue to say YES! to so many requests for my time, energy and resources. What I gain is so often more than I can possibly give, the lessons learned, the people met, the time well spent is almost always worth any sacrifice I had to make to keep my word.
Almost.
Just Say NO!--- yes, I do say no more than I used to. I am easing into it. It is hard to change the way you have lived your life for 40-something years all at once. I think that by the time I am old and gray- okay more so than I already am- I will have this NO! thing down.
Until then, I will continue to make small strides toward that end. I will still say YES! more than I should- for my own health and welfare- but I still have children that are learning how to be good people and the only way I know to do this is by DOING what I tell them they should do.
So... please, only ask me for help if you REALLY need it... you know that I cannot
Just Say NO!... not yet anyway!